Deshaerok
by Silent Invictus
Summary: A young boy pushed into suicide is given another chance at life as a demon. the only reason this is posted here is because of the settings...  mm yaoi slash shonenai Eventually! Story i better than the summary!  Please R&R!
1. Hello

**SI note: Hey guys! I've had this idea for a story for a really long time… it's almost entirely OC's but it's set in the Harry Potter world so it counts as a Fan Fiction. I decided to set it between the wars, the time of peace to show that terrible things do happen even when everything seems all right. **

**I'm planning on continuing it since I have most of the story planned out already! This story will be a bit depressing in the beginning… but will lighten up eventually… I hope…**

**!!!WARNING!!!: This will **_**eventually**_** contain Yaoi/Slash/Shonen-ai/BL whatever you want to call it! This story will have a few mature themes in it such as rape and suicide… **

**Please don't flame, If you didn't read the warning or the disclaimer below then you really don't have a point of doing so! Though all reviews will be excepted because I need someone to feed my ego!!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the world and a few of the characters… but I do own the plot and characters that you don't recognize! Also I don't mean to insult any religions and have nothing against Catholics! They are some very nice people.**

**SISISISISISISI**

_**Deshaerok - Chapter 1**_

**SISISISISISISI**

My name was William. Everyone who claimed to be my friend called me by that name. I always wanted to be called Will, but I never got the chance to tell anyone. It was my fourth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry when everything fell apart, and I couldn't keep the pieces of a detailed mask in place any longer.

People saw me as a cool, collected person. I was good looking, had many 'friends', and even played keeper on the Gryffindor Quidditch team; the ideal student and the model for the perfect life. To the outside world my life _was_ perfect. They looked at me and saw a happy blond with twinkling lavender eyes. When I looked at myself, I saw a torn person who bore the marks of a hating family who persecuted me for who I was.

I was born into a strict Catholic family. An overbearing father and a stiff mother who seemed to care more for religion than her own family. We weren't off poorly… there was money. I grew up in a large house that, to me, always felt more like a tomb. There was no laughter in my home; no running through the hallways, there wasn't even a TV. You did your homework, kept up your grades, came down for dinner, and then went back to your room to pray until bed. I thought this was normal, until I received my letter.

I remember how my father had laughed outright when I had shown him the letter from Hogwarts. It wasn't a kind laugh, it was a cold one. His laugh. I'll never forget it. He refused to believe that I was being accepted into a 'Devil's school' as he called it. It came to a point that Rubeus Hagrid had to come collect me to get my things. I didn't go back there for the rest of the summer; I stayed in The Leaky Cauldron. Hagrid had helped me set up my own bank account at Gringrotts Bank, using money from my own muggle account.

I wanted to believe that everything around me was true. I really did. So when I was sitting by myself on the train for the first time, with my backpack and wand, I realized that life could be very different than what I was taught.

That night, I was sorted into Gryffindor House. It was so strange to be surrounded my so many smiling faces and there was so much noise. I had never experienced anything quite like it before. That year was one of the happiest of my life. I ended up staying there for Christmas, but I didn't really care. Everything that my mother and father had drilled into me about the evils of magic was wrong. I loved my abilities and worked hard on honing them as best I could at that level. I was in Heaven.

Which meant that I was cast into Hell when I returned home. I don't recall much of that summer; I think I was unconscious for most of it. I remember waking up during some kind of purification ceremony, covered in dried blood and bruises. I was branded with the cross that night. I was handcuffed to my bed, too weak to do anything. The only times I was allowed to leave my room was to go to the bathroom.

The day of my escape was a Sunday, and I was actually feeling a bit better, even though I had been beaten the night before, and I was to go to church with everyone else. By some miracle I managed to get separated from them and made it home and onto The Knight Bus heading towards London.

I once again spent the rest of my summer out of my parent's reach. The brand on my left hip was still tender, but the marks on the rest of my body would fade away before school started again.

It seemed as if that summer repeated itself over and over, the only difference was that I was never branded again, but the beatings turned into whippings and the method of escape changed. The summer before my fourth year was the worst. I was raped that summer and it haunts me to this very day. I won't go into details right now.

The beginning of fourth year began like any other year, phony friends flocking towards me to form a bunch that I couldn't get away from. I never wanted to be there. Then I saw him: a boy- beautiful in my eyes- I felt my heart drown towards him only to see him vanish into the crowds of people migrating to Gryffindor Tower. I didn't realize why I had never seen him before then.

His name was Shawn and I would figure out that he was a year below me and such a quite type that he was hidden in the shadow of his peers. I had wanted nothing more than to pull him into the light at watch him glow but would never get to have the chance. I felt sick with myself to realize that I was in love with another boy. Was I committing yet another crime that my parents would use as fodder to their reasons to punish me? In the end, I would never know if they would have killed me or just disowned me before I told them.

I watched him carefully throughout the first half of the year, taking care to always smile at him whenever he met my eyes. I memorized every part of him: his schedule, the path he took from class to class. I burnt his face and every detail into my mind. I did all of this and had no idea why I felt the need to be with him.

That is when I first met Sinar through a mirror in the Room of Requirement. He told me that he was a demon and that it wasn't all that hard to become one. He was currently looking for a host to lace his son into. The process worked as such: The chosen host would die and their body would undergo a ritual in which the demon would be bound to the host. To the world the host would be dead, but in fact he or she would continue to live under the demon's name. He felt that I would make the perfect host and that f I was ever interested, I was to let him know.

I considered agreeing with him then and there, but I wanted to consider what would happen if I were to say yes. I did lots of research on demons in my spare time and learned surprisingly little. I knew that there were four kinds of demons: Earth, Water, Fire, and Air. The demon and the chosen host would find out, which one they were to become during the ceremony. There was absolutely no documentation of the ceremony what so ever.

I also looked up the powers of the demon. All had a natural ability to heal themselves and others, making them wonderful healers. Demons cannot touch things without something happening to it, depending on their element.

All however, will have a mate. A single being that will be immune to the demon's touch. The mate would bring calm to a demon during a fit of rage and would balance them in all ways. Once the mating ritual is performed, the two are magically and legally bonded. This bond is as legal as a marriage, but binds them together for life.

One night during Christmas break, I finally worked up the courage to say something to him and he only shrunk further into his shell. I hadn't been feeling well that day and memories of the rape were in the front of my mind. I had just wanted someone to talk with, to be myself with and the only person I had ever wanted to open up to turned me away. I had just smiled sadly then and slowly climbed the stairs to my dorm.

I sat down at my desk and wrote two letters: one to him- telling him that I had only wanted to talk with him and that I didn't do anything because of him. I didn't want him to feel guilty for the thing I was about to do. I wrote the other one to Dumbledore explaining my actions. I told him about my life at home and how I didn't have the will to keep up the lie any longer. I also told him about Sinar's offer and that I wanted it preformed upon me. I had told Sinar what I was considering earlier that night and told him that if my name appeared on the list of the dead, he would know to come collect my body.

I lied down on the bed and slit my wrists that night, taking up Sinar's offer. I felt as though, when the blood came gushing out of the wounds, that my old life was flowing away and that I could begin anew. My body would be found by the house elves the next morning, the letters would be delivered, and I would be placed in Dumbledore's office awaiting Sinar. I would never get to see Shawn's face as he read the letter but I have the feeling it would have made even the coldest man's heart bleed.

I thought it was the end for me… but I was wrong. In a way, my life truly began… With my death.

**SISISISISISISI**

**After talk: I hope that everyone will enjoy this story… I just felt like it needed to be written… The next chapter will be up as soon as I start writing it!**

**Love**

**SI**


	2. Change

**Yea! Another chapter! I'm so proud of myself… Actually I'm getting more hits of this on Adult Fanfiction than I am on Fanfiction . net… crazy! I was hit with the muse tonight and just felt like I should write it… so I did… I also had a new song going through my head but I felt like an idiot just sitting there singing it to myself to I sat down at my computer instead. **

**Is anyone actually there? I'm feeling lonely… my boyfriend's is out of town so I'm here all by myself. **

**Disclaimer! I don't own… there… I think that covers it!**

**SISISISISISISI**

_**Deshaerok - Chapter 2**_

**SISISISISISISI**

I later saw in Sinar's pensive, the ceremony that I had anticipated and dreaded, actually happening. Dumbledore watched as my corpse was laid out on the sofa that was placed in his office. The letter I had written him lay opened on his desk and it obviously had been read many times over. I think he knew I was leaving something out but only I knew it was Shawn. I couldn't bring myself to say to him what I would never get to say to myself. The old professor made his way over to where I lay, kneeling by my side. I would never ask what he was thinking; I would never know what went on behind these blue eyes that looked so remorseful without their ever-present twinkling.

Sinar knocked and let himself in a few minutes later. He was shorter than I had expected. _(Of course I was dead for all of this; I wouldn't actually meet him for about a week after he changed me.)_ A strange, half formed boy followed him into the room and immediately hid behind Sinar.

"Professor Dumbledore." The demon said with a bow. Dumbledore nodded in return. "I believe that you have been informed of William's decision, yes?" Dumbledore nodded again. "Then shall I begin the ceremony?" With this the older man stood and made his way over towards the demon.

"May I bear witness to such a rare occasion?" He asked.

"Of course, but it won't be the most pleasant of ordeals." Sinar warned. "This entire act is a desecration to a corpse."

"I understand."

"Well then." He said with a smile. "Let us begin. This is my son: Deshaerok." Sinar said with a sudden move that placed himself behind the boy that still insisted to clinging to his cloak. Deshaerok was a small boy that looked as if he was molded clay that had been smashed on one side. He was deformed and crippled, his body twisted impossibly. "I think they will be beautiful together." Sinar stated with a smile of affection. Dumbledore smiled in return feeling a bit disbelieving, but sat down in a chair to observe the ceremony about to take place.

SISISISISISISI 

Deshaerok slowly made his way over to my corpse, his feet dragging. He ran a bony finger lovingly over my face and brushed away some of my loose blond from my face. Silently he unbuttoned my shirt and Sinar gently lifted me so that it could be removed; the sleeves were the hardest part to remove since they had stuck to my arms where the blood had dried.

Deshaerok placed his hand on my cold chest and began to trace certain symbols into the flesh above my heart. Each symbol represented a different element: Earth, Fire, Air, and Water. He also used his clowed finger to carve a cross on my torso; it went from shoulder to shoulder and it reached from the center of my color bone down to my belly button.

Suddenly a double-ended knife appeared in his hands and the young demon _(I would later learn that they are called The Nigaht) _stabbed my chest with as much force as he could muster. The moment the blade pierced my heart it burst into flame, and my dead eyes snapped open. Deshaerok grabbed the knife with both hands and stared into those eyes before he impaled himself on the other end our bodies touching at the hilt. Cherry red blood ran over the knife making the flames grow more intense and they soon engulfed Deshaerok, burning him to ashes in mere seconds. With the knife gone the ashes were drawn to any open offices including my mouth, nose, and the gaping wound on my chest. As soon as the ashes were gone, so was said wound; no scar remained at all. The only scar I retained from the whole ordeal was the archaic symbol of Fire.

Sinar realizing that this part of the ceremony was over rushed to the couch. Dumbledore remained in his seat, shocked at what he had just seen. He watched as the demon pick me as if I weighed nothing at all and nodded his consent of allowing Sinar to have access to the Floo network through his fireplace.

"The second stage to the ceremony must be preformed alone. I will take him back to my home where I will train him to control his magic. When a year passes, I will contact you about his return to Hogwarts." Sinar said as he walked slowly to the fireplace. He shifted me over to one side so that he could grab a handful of Floo powder. "Until then." He said before stepping into the green flames and whispering an address.

He, Deshaerok and I vanished into a whirl of Fireplaces before stumbling out onto a hard wooden floor. Sinar laid me on a bed nearby and tucked in the sheets tightly around me.

"Goodnight little one. I'll see you in the morning."


	3. why

**SI note: I really liked this chapter. **

**When I imagine what kind of mind Will would have, I imagine the castle to be sitting on rolling hills by cliffs on the sea. Hogwarts was the only place of solace he ever had. Everyone has a place to let his or her minds wander. Mine is a maze so don't even try to understand it.**

**I hope that there actually people reading this because I really like writing it. It's a place for me to get away from whet I normally write. Drop me a review? Please?**

**SISISISISISISI**

_Deshaerok- Chapter three_

**SISISISISISISI**

The pain was unbearable and a scream escaped, unbidden, from my lips. It felt as though fire were racing through my veins and every bone was being broken and reformed. The symbol on my chest burned into my very soul and I felt my mind merging with another. Was this what death was like?

Then, all the pain stopped. I was walking into complete black where another man stood. He was about 6 feet tall with long black hair that ended in yellow points. His eyes were a yellowish-orange and I felt comforted by his strange presence.

"My name is Deshaerok." He said. "Welcome to our mind."

"Our mind?" I questioned.

"This is your body. You think that I would replace you completely? Your soul remains here and I will respect your opinion." He replied looking shocked.

"I really didn't know what to expect."

"Things will become easier to control after we train together." He said waving me close. "To everyone else, we are one person… but here," with a swoop of his arm, the black became a grand castle. "We shall discover the many secrets of our mind and powers together. Come, we'll talk more inside."

We walked slowly over the sunlit grass towards the structure. We passed through the open gate and I saw how thin and ready to crumble the wall were. It bothered me that my…our mind, I corrected myself, seemed so worn down.

The interior halls seemed more like a labyrinth than passageways, dark and twisting. I was afraid of losing myself in their narrow blackness. Desh calmly led the way to an oak doorway that seemed to slide open easily on well-oiled hinges.

As we at down on the plush chairs there, I regarded my surroundings. We seemed to be in a library of sorts. The only difference was that there were many shelves but only a few books scattered around the room. The hearth held a roaring fire that radiated a comfortable heat. I needed to ask a question that had been burning at the tip of my tongue since we set foot into the castle. "Why am I still allowed my mind? I thought I was dead and once the body dies then the soul leaves the shell."

"You did die, but I share a rare symbiosis with you. I give you new life and a way of defense other that of your own magic."

"And you? What do you get?"

"A host to survive, companionship, a chance to explore."

I was going to ask about our mate, but Desh interrupted me by standing abruptly. He offered me his hand. "It's time to make this joining complete."

I took his hand and he pulled me to my feet. "Will I ever be able to be in my own form again? I know we'll look like you to the outside world but…"

"We'll retain a few of your scars that mark you as you, like the cross on your hip." He interrupted. "But we'll discuss all of this later with my father so he can explain it all better than I can. Right now we need to finish this by going to the core."

I had to sprint to keep up with his long strides. "The core?"

"The very center of your being- your magic if you will." He explained. "I need to intertwine myself permanently into your mind."

"Left." I said without realizing why.

He looked at me with a smile. "You must spend more time here than you realize."

"I guess I do let my mind wander like everyone else during History of Magic. I have quill that jots down everything he says." Desh chuckled and took the staircase that was to the immediate left. I followed him down to the cellars; when I stepped around the corner at the base of the stairs I was blinded for an instant by a flash of purple light.

When I opened my eyes again and drank in the sight before me, we were standing before an orb of lavender light. I felt it pulling me towards it and I gave into the sensation, letting myself fall into the light. Then I was looking out, I was the magic. I must have looked amazing standing there in the very essence of my magic, my soul.

I reached out a hand a tugged Desh to me, pressing my light into him. Then I saw myself through his eyes: I glowed with light. It raised my hair to fan out around me and shone to match my eyes. I felt my magic bonding with his own innate power. Suddenly my vision split and I saw two things at once. I saw myself and him, and then nothing at all.

SISISISISISISI 

I…no…WE awoke later lying on a bed. We could feel the sweat covering our body, making the sheets chafe painfully across our overly sensitive skin. We tossed and turned until a soothing hand lulled us back to sleep. We heard a deep voice ringing through the blurry darkness, "Shhhhh. Go to sleep. It is not yet time for you to wake, my child. Shhhhh. Go to sleep."

**SISISISISISISI**

"That was weird." I said to Desh once we were in the library once more.

"Just think of yourself as Deshaerok. Don't you see Will? It's your mind, our body. I'll offer advice and I'll share my magic, but you are in control. This is your chance to start over with a whole new identity."

"I guess I'm just nervous about training and such. I felt strange when I woke up a moment ago."

"Your body –having died- is still adjusting to me being here. It'll take a week or two. If you're that anxious to begin though we could work on our mental defenses."

"Occlumency?" I asked.

"Yes, to us it will seem like we're building up the walls of this castle together, thus making it into a fortress that others have no hope of entering without our permission."

"Well then." I said clapping my hands. "Let's get to work!"

SISISISISISISI 


End file.
